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Our experience is that if a good person gets straightened out, not only can the marriage be saved, but it can be stronger and more loving than it was before.If you decide to try to save your marriage, immediately stop allowing your spouse to manipulate you in any way. Slow things down and drag things out even if it makes them angry.Finally, you made the discovery that your spouse did have someone else. Maybe you checked the cell phone bill, read emails, found a note or letter in a pocket or purse, or, even worse, someone saw them and told you about it. Secrecy helped them, not you, but because you thought there might be a chance to keep him or her calm and possibly stop this nightmare, you allowed yourself to be manipulated.Maybe your abandoning spouse had a period of hesitation.Time is on your side, especially if you continually pray for God to intercede and bring trials and tribulations into the sinful relationship.At the same time, do not cling, beg, whine, plead, or manipulate.He or she tried to end the affair, and told you that they were willing to work on the marriage.Maybe the paramour found a way to get to him or her, rekindled the passion and convinced your spouse that he or she will never be happy without them.
My faith in people has been strengthened by experiencing God intervening in lives even when a person wanted God to leave him or her alone to do what they wanted to do.If your spouse went back to the affair the second time, it seemed to have much more power over them than in the beginning.By the time you broke your silence, things had evolved to an almost impossible situation.It makes you less attractive and intensifies whatever justification he or she has mentally made that allows leaving you. Make it clear that while you would like to save the marriage, your life will go on and you will prosper if they don’t come back. When a person believes that you are there no matter what they do, they have no compulsion to do right. Other people in your life who care about you will still care about you. And, believe it or not, it often helps bring the spouse back, though you cannot do it for only that reason.
When they see that you can live happily without them, you become more attractive. No matter how much you love your spouse, life can go on and be good if he or she leaves you. When you are sure that your spouse is involved in something, or with someone, that is wrong, arrange a group to do an intervention.
However, I’ve witnessed case after case in which those marriages were saved, sometimes even after the divorce took place.